The Lucky Ones: Loss of a Childhood Friend
By Tova Goldstein & Ora Goldberg
Overview: 13 years later and we still consider ourselves “The lucky ones”. What it means to have had and to have lost a best friend

Some people get lucky in their lifetime. Lucky enough to meet a soul friend . Someone who , from the get go, they just feel they know. Someone who they get the sense they will travel life with, every step of the way, and that that journey will be filled with a ridiculous amount of laughter, crazy and embarrassing memories, shared tears and hopes.

We were the really lucky ones. As cousins the 2 of us already had a unique bond and when school brought the 3 of us together we formed an instant trio that was something to be reckoned with. A formidable trio where we had each other’s backs and fought in each other’s corners.

We went through school together in 3 different years but age made no difference to the depth of our friendship.

We traveled distances to be together, sang together, and had a language of one liners that only we understood.

We were young and life was going to last forever.

We were the lucky ones.

We were the 3 musketeers until an insidious growth that had apparently been lurking for quite some time made itself known and slowly took away parts of our friend until we were just the 2 musketeers.

The 2 of us watched it slowly take away the most precious life. A life that had been unusually strong and so full of passion and purpose. . A life that had so much more to live.

For 2 years our hearts and minds could not accept reality. Until we had to.

It turns out that losing a best childhood friend is also losing a part of one’s identity. Those ‘had to be there’ moments that you can’t really explain , those parts of you that were still in the becoming stage of who you turned out to be that no one else will ever know, those memories that no one else was there to share …. All those things disappear into thin air. There’s a blessing in the 2 of us being able to share the pain and the memories but some things are lost forever….

It’s been 13 years and we still cry when we talk about her. And we’re so happy that we do. We never want to not cry about her. We never want to not miss her.

Today the 2 of us talk and laugh and cry about her all the time. To her family, her beautiful daughters, to each other and to anyone who remembers her.
We are the lucky ones

And often things come up that we want to share with her and we laugh about how much she would have laughed. We sing songs that remind us of her and are missing her harmony but we still feel her in the music. Memories come up and we’ll retell stories and feel her presence. And we know that even though there’s a gaping hole she once filled with a larger than life presence she is still very much with us.

That kind of soul connection doesn’t disappear it just changes form and we are still the lucky ones.

Tova Goldstein & Ora Goldberg
Tova is a registered social worker, 3 principles practitioner, and DBT coach. Tova runs a private practice where she combines DBT with the 3 principles paradigm. she sees tweens, teens and adults and has a special interest in healing from childhood sexual abuse. She is passionate about pointing people in the direction of their own inner wisdom and wellbeing. She runs workshops & courses that focus on resilience, self esteem and anxiety, parenting & trauma courses, & teen resilience workshops. Her favourite quote from the Bal Shem Tov says “from every human being there rises a light” which reminds us of our unbreakable spirit.

Ora is proudly born and bred in South Africa, Ora Goldberg has been involved with various Jewish outreach organisations, both in South Africa and London. She is passionate about inspiring women and connecting them to their Jewish roots as a women’s educator as well as empowering them in.